Last week was May the fourth, a celebratory day for Star Wars fans all of the world. I’m not very excited about the new movies coming, but still, its sci-fi.
Around this time of year there is always Star Wars stuff happening on the online stores, and this time my eye fell on Tiny Deathstar, a smartphone app. Presented in wonderful pixel-o-vision I had hopes for it to be charming. How could it not?
The reason why this is a blog post is because I don’t get why this game exists at all. Here is the basic premise. Lets see how many of these you think sounds like fun.
- You are Darth Vader
- You do the emperors bidding
- The emperors bidding is that you should run the death star elevator.
- You have no help running the elevator. People get in, ask for a floor. You make it happen.
In typical Freemium style, your ticket into the world of Tiny Deathstar is free. But after a pretty short while you notice that the workers aren’t as efficient as you want them to be, either wait an hour for the workers to finish the task you just gave them. Or… force choke them right? Your very presence should be enough to make every task take seconds. You are Darth Bloody Vader. Sadly that may be the case on the big grown up Death Star. On the TINY Death Star, Darth Vader has to pay bribes using “Space Bux” to speed up construction.
So Tiny Death Star is a freemium game, and that means that it uses TWO sets of currencies. A normal one and a “premium” one, the premium one speeds things up and is typically bought with real money in the appstore. This is all fine and I’m sure its going to make the publisher a lot of money. Here is however the problem: It’s not very fun. The pretext of the game, that the deathstar should be profitable. Is just wrong. The execution of the game means constant timers and annoyances for the player, and the reward of the game, the thing you get after waiting and pressing stuff according to the rules of this monstrous place. All your hard earned work, boils down to this:
Feast your eyes! Its a Leia outfit, one of the many you will be collecting during your stay here at the tiny death star. As you can see the dress itself is a 6×6 pixel affair, and I’m sure it took a designer a good 10 minutes to eke out the details.
Sorry but this isn’t a game at all, just a waste of time. I feel sorry for everyone involved. Mostly me that had to put up with it. A small mercy is that nobody of my friends seems to have picked it up.
You had pixels. You had the star wars assets. You managed to make it boring.
If you want to play a good star wars games on your cellphone, there is another title you can pick up instead. KOTOR. If you don’t know about it, go now!
The tiny deathstar will meanwhile remain in a galaxy far far away… from me.